ABORTION: Why I Changed My Mind
“Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said he was in love. He said, “don’t worry about a thing, baby doll, I’m the man you’ve been dreaming of. But three months later he say he won’t date her or return her calls. And she swear, “goddamn, if I find that man I’m cuttin’ off his balls.”
“And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walking in through the door…They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner and they call her a whore. God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes. ‘Cause then you really might know what it’s like to have to choose. Then you really might know what it’s like…Then you really might know what it’s like…Then you really might know what it’s like…Then you really might know what it’s like…”
– Everlast, What It’s Like
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX
Our beliefs and opinions can become like warm blankets in our little cocoons. We develop a comforting sense of structure. We’re assured that the world makes sense if only we follow a divinely ordained set of rules. We naturally prefer time spent with people “like us.” We distance ourselves from people who disagree with us. When everyone around us believes the exact same thing that we do, this reinforces our “rightness.” Systemic exclusivism, or embracing beliefs as the “only” way, has become commonplace.
To begin with, I’d like to acknowledge that some people aren’t ready to consider new ideas. They aren’t emotionally capable of considering that they may be wrong, and others could be right. Confirmation bias is unavoidable for all of us, especially when we “know” we’re right. I used to be one of these people. I understand the level of confidence in a belief system that has become so deeply rooted in your identity that it’s almost impossible to think outside the box, or the cave, to use Plato’s allegory (See Plato’s Republic).
I’ve written this blog for the people who value open-mindedness and are willing to consider ideas other than their own. Maybe you’re on the fence about abortion. Maybe you’re a Christian trying to reconcile the commandments to love others with the abortion debate. If you’re feeling brave enough to veer from your own steadfast beliefs, and venture into some unaligned opinions, let’s delve deep on this sensitive topic.
“What the world needs most is openness: Open hearts, open doors, open eyes, open minds, open ears, open souls.”
-Robert Muller
POLITICAL EXTREMES
I don’t usually discuss politics on social media. Our nation has reached a point of left and right extremes with no reasonable moderation represented in the political media. I worry that expressing my own opinion publicly will confine my perception of my ideas to extremes, along with the accompanying insults, accusations and name calling…
Pro-choice has become, “Baby murderer!”
Pro-life means, “You hate women!”
Supporting equal access to healthcare means “You’re a socialist!”
Voting Republican means, “You hate the poor!”
Voting Democrat means, “You’re a radical extremist!”
Immigration vetting means, “You’re a racist!”
Gun safety support means, “You’re trying to take away my guns!”
If you’re hesitant to get the COVID-19 vaccine you’re an “Idiot!” or “Uneducated!”
Supporting the BLM movement means, “You hate the police!”
“Fake news!” “It’s a hoax!” DemocRAT!” “Republ-I-CANT-EVEN”…I take credit for that last one 🙂
WISE DEBATERS
An ad hominem fallacy describes this common mistake of name calling we make when debating. Rather than discussing facts and evidence, debating has become a battle of wits and a competition for who can hurl the greatest insults. Additionally, research has shown that verbal attacks and insults during political debates has the opposite intended affect. Instead of drawing someone closer to our understanding, we begin pushing each other to further opposing extremes. Jonathan Haidt elaborates on these ideas in his book: The Righteous Mind, Why Good People Are Divided By Politics and Religion.
Needless to say, I think we all agree that the name calling is a bit elementary of us. We have a standard in our homes and personal lives, amongst friends and family, to treat each other with respect and kindness, and hopefully we’re teaching our children the same. Yet, our political agendas throw all love for our neighbors out the door. However, despite my hesitation to spark an insult contest with this blog, when the Handmaid’s Tale encroaches on our shared living reality, silent behind-the-scenes support is no longer an option.
“True love is born from understanding.”
-Buddah
COMPLEXITY
Abortion, like most political issues, is a complex topic with so many variables and nuances. Not to mention, abortion is a very private medical procedure that involves not one life, but two, and even a third life if we’re considering paternal involvement. In addition, the siblings who will be sharing the home with the additional child are another factor, especially since most women who seek abortion already have a child or children. The top reasons women report for seeking an abortion are socioeconomic related, including lacking financial means to care for the child, and that having another child would interfere with their ability to care for their current child or children.
Before the age of 45, 25% of all women in the US have had an abortion. 49% of women who’ve had an abortion live below the federal poverty line and 60% of women who abort, already have children. Other reasons for abortion include: the woman’s existing health risks (related or unrelated to the pregnancy), her mental health or illness, the unborn child’s physical or mental development, genetic abnormalities, severe poverty, rape or being unsupported by the partner, and age of the mother (too young or too old), etc. These are only a handful of variables to consider, and most women report more than one reason for seeking an abortion.
Then there are the scientific and philosophical considerations regarding when life begins, or even more abstract, when personhood begins. Does conception equal human life? Or is it the heartbeat, or viability outside the mother’s womb that should be the primary consideration? And does “life” or “personhood” warrant human rights violations? Should medical professionals in collaboration with their patients, have the final say in the need for such a medical procedure?
Resources and further information and statistics on this topic below
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5957082/
https://www.guttmacher.org/united-states/abortion/demographics
https://www.verywellhealth.com/reasons-for-abortion-906589
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/ethics-pregnancy/
OTHER CONSIDERATIONS
The Department of Family and Children’s Services (DFCS) is overwhelmed nationwide. Who will take care of and be financially responsible for these additional children in the system if they are born unwanted into poverty? The political right focuses on governmental fiscal responsibility- lowering taxes and spending less money towards socialized systems, such as welfare. If we force women who utilize these systems to birth children under adverse circumstances, we are directly causing additional hardships.
Ending abortion rights is a direct attack on black women who have the highest abortion rate (see below). White women have more resources to travel out of state if they do need an abortion. However, black women do not have the same such resources. Not only will they be unable to afford traveling for medical care, but they already suffer from a disparity of pregnancy risks and other health risks.
In an article published by the NY Times, an John Eligon writes insightfully that:
“In many black communities, the abortion debate is inextricably tied to race in ways that white communities seldom confront. Social and economic disparities that are particularly challenging to African-Americans, from mass incarceration to maternal and infant mortality, are crucial parts of that discussion. The best way to reduce abortions, many black people both for and against the practice argue, is to address the difficult circumstances that lead so many black women to end their pregnancies. Abortions have dropped over the last 15 years among all racial groups. But black women continue to have the highest abortion rate at 27.1 per 1,000 women compared with 10 per 1,000 for white women, according to a study published in the American Journal of Public Health.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/06/us/black-abortion-missouri.amp.html
“Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don’t believe is right.” – Jane Goodall
The Supreme Court recently challenged the previous ruling, commenting that the “Roe was egregiously wrong from the start.” The implications for the healthcare privacy laws upon which this initial decision was made, are now in question. Men will not have their medical records examined. But, women’s privacy rights to their medical records could be made obsolete in the near future. A domino affect could result, in which other privacy rights can be violated by our government.
Texas has already passed laws which allow citizens to report each other, eerily recalling historical events, such as the Salem witch trials.
KICKING HER WHEN SHE’S DOWN
Women and infants already suffer in our country, from receiving subpar obstetrics care (a branch of medicine and surgery dealing with childbirth and care of the pregnant woman). Accompanying the responsibility of pregnancy and birth, are the associated risks. Unfortunately, in comparison to other countries of similar wealth, “the U.S. has the highest maternal mortality rate among developed countries.”
“The U.S. infant mortality rate (5.8 deaths under one year of age per 1,000 live births) is 71 percent higher than the comparable country average (3.4 deaths).” Hitting close to home for myself, Georgia is ranked #1 in maternal mortality.
Comparison of the United States to countries of similar economic status shows that women are still at a disadvantage to men in so many ways. For one, our risk of mortality and that of our children is much higher than other countries. The U.S. government and healthcare system has already has shown that they have little concern for the lives of women and their infants, yet now they are placing us at greater risk by forcing unwanted pregnancies and further increasing our risk of death.
One in four women you know have had an abortion. Most women do not disclose their medical experience. They are often torn down and shamed for this difficult decision. If women have too many children, we’re considered irresponsible. We’re also blamed for getting pregnant out of wedlock, or deemed a murderer if we have an abortion. If we have no children, we’re not serving our purpose as a women. If we have children out of wedlock, we should’ve kept our legs closed.
The universe has tasked the female body with procreation. Men do not share these responsibilities of carrying and birthing children, nor do they share in the shame women have received for centuries regarding their burden to bear children. The woman’s heart wrenching decision to have an abortion if it’s not in her best interest, is not for the faint of heart.
“To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.”
-Confucius
SUFFERING IN SILENCE: THE SEXUAL ABUSE EPIDEMIC
You are not alone. Sexual abuse is an epidemic in the United States. Little girls are taught from a very young age that we do not have rights over their own bodies in this country. This mindset is enforced from childhood and reinforced as we mature. Twenty-five percent of US girls under the age of 18 have been sexually abused or assaulted. One in six boys are sexually abused before age 18. Furthermore, children with mental disabilities are sexually abused at a 7 times higher rate than former statistics. Over half of all sexual abuse is committed by a family member or trusted friend. I have personally known little girls and women, both of whom I grew up with and within the medical setting, who were raped by men in their families, some of who ended up pregnant.
Ending pro-choice laws further amplifies this paradigm that women do not deserve to choose what happens to their bodies. Ending abortion rights will inevitably cause further suffering to the women and little girls who have been victimized by men through sexual abuse and pregnancy. If you begin with the premise that women do not have rights over their medical privacy, their family planning, and choices related to their own female bodies, the implications exacerbate existing sexism that emphasizes blaming women for their struggles within a male dominated culture.
CHRISTIANITY AND THE PERPETUATION OF SEXISM
I was once in a women’s Bible study for the book of Esther led by Beth Moore via DVD. After Beth shared her experience of sexual abuse, the room sheepishly began sharing their own stories. By the end of the night, over half those 25 women disclosed their own experiences with childhood sexual abuse. Along with many others, I learned from an early age that I had no rights over my body. Even after disclosing my abuse as a child and again in adulthood, I was shamed into silence and threatened with no longer being a part of the family.
Growing up in a Christian worldview, the seed of victimization was planted for years in my childhood, and was emphasized in the church world. Young girls and women in the church were taught that women are to “submit to your husbands,” (Ephesians 5:22-23) & “cover your heads” (1 Corinthians 11:5-6) as a symbol of this submission. I’ve sat in multiple church services in which the pastor said we were sinning by not wearing a hat to church, or even for wearing pants instead of a dress.
One beautiful spring day as I walked through my college campus as a young adult passionate Christian, I was taken aback as a pastor pointed and yelled to shame women that passed by. To one he said, “You, in the short skirt!! The floozie!! You’re going to hell because of your attempts to lead men astray. Jesus says repent!” Ironically, she was a youth pastor on campus with her husband, also there to proselytize, albeit, in a much kinder way.
The idea that men, rather than women, should have authority in what a woman wears and when she speaks is especially perpetuated by the Christian church. (1 Tim 2:9-10) Even the idea that they are incapable of learning or should only learn what their husbands wish for them to know is stated plainly in Christian scriptures. (1 Cor 14:34-35)
INSULTING US
Christianity has a long history of telling women what to wear, when to speak, and who they may speak to. Our society has even shamed women into how we should hold our faces with frequent insults, such as RBF (resting bitch face). Yet, there is no name for a man who holds his face emotionless. We are condescendingly encouraged to “Smile! You are so much prettier when you smile!” As a presidential candidate for our country, Trump commented on Carly Fiorina’s appearance during the primary debates to discredit her as a candidate. He said, “Look at that face!’…’Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” Furthermore, he stated “I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not s’posedta say bad things, but really folks, come on. Are we serious?” These comments indicate women exist for the sole purpose of pleasing men with our aesthetic or display of pleasant emotions–to make MEN feel good. Contranstingly, if we share too much emotion, we’re not being “meek” as God instructs, or even worse, we’re labeled as “crazy,” or a “psycho bitch.”
Of course, we do not place such expectations on the men in our society. We never direct these instructions or insults to men on how to hold their faces, what to wear and when to speak. Furthermore, society insults men for sharing their emotions. Masculine culture deems them “too feminine” or “acting like a woman” for being vulnerable. These ideas were influenced by years of Christian principles seeping into our common culture.
Ending pro-choice decisions made during the feminist and women’s liberation movement in 1973, is a direct attack on attempts to move forward and change the way men have infiltrated women’s lives, bodies, clothing choices, and emotions since documented history.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/09/10/trump-fiorina-look-face/71992454/
SELF-DISCLOSURE
As a young Christian in my first year of college, I wrote a paper in my ethics class in opposition to partial birth abortion, which was still permitted at the time in California. However, as I mentioned in a previous blog, https://teatimewithsummershelain.com/?p=1 as I continued to read the Bible daily, I faced many ethical questions, which eventually led to a slow process of shedding my Christian faith. The more scripture I read, the less it seemed inspired by a loving god. I found that as I became more in touch with my own empowerment as a person with value, the “law written on my heart” (ROM 2:15) was very different from that portrayed in the modern Christian church.
Even as a Christian, I’ve long been left leaning in political ideas. However, I did believe the pro-life movement was aligned with other human rights issues. I eventually changed my stance on abortion, as I realized the complexity of the issue.
PRO-LIFE ARGUMENTS
The pro-life movement is not absent of intellect. In fact, based on my own experience as a pro-lifer, they see abortion as a human rights issue, in much the same way we view abortion as a women’s rights issue. Given the emphasis of women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, racial justice, and immigration rights on the left side of the political spectrum, I would suggest that abortion could be a very unifying conversation. If we begin listening to learn from each other we might recognize that we value human rights across the political spectrum. Equality could become our shared value, and a grounds for mutual respect for human life across the lifespan.
Again, most political discourse has become convoluted into extreme and opposite paradigms of thinking formed under our current political regimes. But in reality, most Americans share values and want equal rights for all. The unfortunate truth is that we can’t always have absolute rights for everyone in every circumstance. Sometimes our rights conflict. For those who support open immigration, they weigh the rights of immigrants with the safety of US citizens. The right to not take the COVID-19 vaccine, versus the right to enter a nursing home without vaccination, is a conflict of one’s rights versus the rights of high risk populations living in their home.
Abortion raises the dilemma of balancing the rights of the unborn infant with the rights of the mother. A collaborative solution-based approach would seek to balance these two conflicting values. Our tendency to jump to extremes of “baby murderer” hate speech, versus denying any fetal rights is unhelpful and does not move the conversation forward.
PRO-CHOICE ARGUMENTS
Pro-choice support is not solely based on the ethics and definition of life. Debaters sometimes emphasize the semantics of “personhood.” This language draws attention to when a human develops rights that are protected under the law. Others focus on the physiological and developmental stages of a “fetus” versus an “infant.” Factors such as heart beat or ability to feel pain are discussed. Some question the rights afforded a fetus, and argue that it’s technically a parasite by strict definition, and it’s unfair to force a women to carry a child if she’s unwilling.
As public health education has improved over the years, abortion has already been on the decline. Advocates for pro-choice laws agree that pregnancy prevention is superior to abortion procedures. This remains in goal in progress, since most pregnancies are unplanned. The ultimate argument for pro-choice is that women should be granted the dignity to exercise our own moral decisions and that availability of abortion prevents unnecessary risks of at-home unsafe abortion.
The BBC breaks down a pro-choice argument below:
“The simplest form of the women’s rights argument in favor of abortion goes like this:
- a woman has the right to decide what she can and can’t do with her body
- the fetus exists inside a woman’s body
- a woman has the right to decide whether the fetus remains in her body
- therefore a pregnant woman has the right to abort the fetus
The issue brings many ideas about human rights into brutally sharp focus.
- every human being has the right to own their own body
- a fetus is part of a woman’s body
- therefore that woman has the right to abort a fetus they are carrying”
https://www.bbc.co.uk/ethics/abortion/mother/for_1.shtml
PERSONHOOD
Some will argue the fetus from moment of conception is not part of the woman’s body, but a separate “person.” This argument is interesting because “personhood” without birth, assumes some sort of soul or metaphysical existence. Should we omit this religious stance from political discourse since our country is founded on the freedom of religion, and freedom from religion?
The complicated reality is that the whole conglomeration of the pregnancy experience is unique to each individual. The left argues for a woman’s rights to take these personal unique considerations into account. The exact moment at which a fetus becomes a separate viable person apart from it’s mother is not clear. But we do know from previous discourse, is that all the teenage girls and women seeking abortion, do have inalienable rights. And we know that 91% of abortions occur prior to 13 weeks gestation, which means that most women receive abortions within the first trimester. The Supreme Court made a decision to ban full term abortion in 2007, which is not challenged by the left.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1857800/
The burden of weighing the ethics of abortion is a decision placed on the mother’s shoulders as she is forced to consider the scale between her own body and life, in conflict with the rights of the undeveloped child attached to her uterus. Men do not face this same dilemma. They do not share the burden of baring and delivering a child. And within our culture, they often have little to do with raising the child. This is her burden to bear, and the government does not have a right to take that away from her. Prevention of available safe abortion is removal of a woman’s right to choose when having a child is right for her and her family.
LAND OF THE FREE
The American government is unique due to the freedoms granted to its citizens. Some of these freedoms, such as the freedom of religion, were granted by the Bill of Rights, while others came later. The freedom of religion, sexual orientation, family planning and equality between all races and genders is what makes America great.
As we rewind history and begin removing these rights, it will diminish people’s faith in the American government. This slippery slope could lead to other rights being violated, such as the right to medical privacy, which was the ultimate supporting factor in Roe v Wade. It’s easy to argue about who’s rights are being violated, rather than facing the difficulty of compromise and balancing rights. But it would be more productive as a country, if we citizens begin respecting our neighbors’ opinions, and shared a goal of uniting to protect the rights and freedoms of all citizens.
As women’s rights are being violated, a red flag is raised concerning what rights the government will remove next. Our government does not currently have rights to force immunization, DNR status, or limit the number of children one may have, as some countries do. As some governments still punish women by death for their choice of clothing, our government does not currently control what we wear, or even what we say. We can say, fuck the president, and we do not face fear for our lives, or fear retaliation from our government.
FREEDOM INDEX SCALE
We seem to be taking one step forward, two steps back. Despite our growing freedoms, the US is lagging behind in the rights of it’s citizens. Based on the Freedom Index Scale, the US is only #15 in the world.
https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/freedom-index-by-country
An argument that is very prominent in the Christian church is “love them both.” This is an approach that seeks to help the mother by teaching her skills, so that she can birth the child and give it up for adoption. However well intentioned, this is a highly narrow minded view of what encompasses pregnancy. When taking a person’s physical welfare, mental health, finances, and life planning into account, there is nothing anyone can do to minimize the burden of carrying and birthing a child. If we truly loved this woman, we would not take away her rights to her own body.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
-Serenity Prayer
REDIRECTING MY PRO-LIFE PASSIONS
One thing I’ve learned on my life journey is “Let it begin with me.” We cannot control, nor are we responsible, for other people’s actions or choices. Even in countries where abortion is illegal, women give themselves very dangerous and life threatening at home abortions. Though the government try to interfere with authoritarian laws they cannot ultimately control what a woman will do to protect herself and her family.
However, we are responsible and very much in control of how we live our own lives, and what we choose to do with our very short time here on earth. I respect people who have a passion for caring for “the least of these” and the powerless in our society. If you are pro-life, you are likely a compassionate and caring person.
LET IT BEGIN WITH ME
If the goal is to save children, why can’t we start with saving the ones that exist in the present moment? We can’t save all the suffering people in the world. But If you have a passion for saving children, channel that passion towards the children who are alive and out of the womb. If you’ve ended a child’s abortion, but have no follow up on that child’s life, how can you even argue that you did a good thing by involving yourself in this political agenda? If you’re fighting to end abortion, you will likely never know the child you fought to protect, nor the mother. If you disagree with abortion, then don’t get one.
Deciding for other women whether or not to have children, when we already have such little control over our own bodies in our society is unhelpful. Thinking we know what’s best for someone else’s life and their health and wellbeing, is narcissistic. It’s often easier to focus on things we consider flaws in other people’s lives in order to deflect from our own need for growth and change. If you’ve spent many hours thinking about other people’s problems, but aren’t thinking about your own problems, maybe it’s time for a perspective shift and “…take the plank out of your own eye..” (Mat 7:5) Because if you start with the one in the mirror, and change your own behaviors, that’s really how we begin to change the world.
You have the power to lead by example rather than by shaming, judging, and dictating what other people’s lives should look like from your perspective.
LOVE FOR THE CHILDREN
If we want to express our love for children, rather than shaming and hurting women, we can shift the focus towards children that are already born and have miserable lives….Let’s begin loving children across their life span, beyond birth. Let’s give them healthcare, provide homes, and optimize their education. Help to increase the likelihood of women and infant survival during childbearing and birth of planned pregnancies by fighting to keep safe abortion available.
Consider fostering or adopting one of the nearly half a million children in the foster system in the United States. The United States has a foster home deficit. Many of these abused and neglected children are forced to live in group homes with up to 15 children, or must be uprooted and displaced to outlying counties. Contribute to the mental healthcare movement and promotion of drug addiction treatment. “Over 20,000 babies are born each year dependent on illegal or prescription drugs and suffer neonatal abstinence syndrome (NAS), a type of opiate withdrawal. That’s the equivalent of one baby every 25 minutes.”
HYPOCRICIES
If your argument is religious in nature, and you believe that God should be the author of life, consider the possible hypocrisy you may unknowingly be engaging in. Are you extending your life or that of your loved ones, beyond what is natural, as most Americans do? Half of all Medicare/Medicaid expenses are spent in the last year of a person’s life. Our healthcare system and culture unethically extends life beyond viability in order for massive profits to fill the pockets of healthcare system CEOs & pharmaceutical industries.
The healthcare culture reinforces the normalcy of futile testing and treatments during the end of life process. We sacrifice quality of life and a peaceful dying process for the sake of money and greed. Most people do not allow natural death and keep a full code status up until a very chaotic and painful end due to forced life without quality. One of the doctors I used to work for at a hospice company would ask his patients, “If Jesus came knocking on your door tonight, would you let Him in, or would you shut the door?” Most people in our society choose to shut the door by maintaining a full code status with terminal conditions.On Being Mortal by Atul Gawande addresses this topic further.
DANGERS OF THEOCRACY
Most religious arguments often default to theism and a theocracy. During a recent debate with a pastor on this topic, he suggested that abortion is “murdering little babies, and those women need to learn to keep their legs closed.” I pointed to the scriptures in Samuel, in which God commands his followers to murder women and children of another nation. Since commanded by God, Christians accept murdering children of any age in this instance. I questioned further…”How do you know that god isn’t commanding these women who need abortions now, to abort?”
Organized religion endorses “rules” that apply to everyone. Most spiritual people acknowledge that relationship with a higher power is personal. We allow our higher power’s will for our lives to guide our decisions. If you’re part of the Christian right, consider advancing your golden rule.Try the platinum rule. Instead of treating others the way you want to be treated, treat others how they want to be treated. Not everyone is just like you.
THE FUTURE
The Supreme Court appears to be taking a step backwards regarding women’s rights and empowerment. But, I never stop hoping for a better future. As we all grow together and sharpen each other with diverse experiences and beliefs: “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Despite this historic change, I have hope that women and those who support us as equal beings, will continue to fight for our rights to our bodies and our privacy on this and other sensitive topics. There’s always tomorrow…
When we have the courage to embrace humility, step outside of our self righteous mindset and think outside the box, considering the possibility we aren’t always right, and in fact, maybe we’re VERY wrong, …When we step away from abrasive and judgmental voices, into the quiet of our own minds, sometimes the Lord whispers her inner wisdom in our ear, over a cup of tea.
We are woman, hear us roar!!!