Worrying About What Others Think?

Do you find yourself worrying about what others think of you? I used to be constantly worried about what other people thought of me or how they perceived me. But in therapy I learned that what other people think is none of my business.

Why do we care so much about what other people think? One theory postulates that we are biologically prone to this type of thinking as a survival mechanism. In tribal societies, being part of a group was essential for survival. Our brains are possibly wired to seek group acceptance. Feeling a sense of belonging is part of human nature. And there is benefit to being part of a social group. However, this innate drive to seek acceptance, can backfire if not balanced with trusting and prioritizing your own thoughts and feelings.

Worrying about what other people think can affect your life more than you realize. This type of unhealthy thinking pattern is a huge barrier to accomplishing our dreams. For myself, I was so concerned with pleasing others. I wanted to make my family proud, and I wanted to fit in. I wanted to feel loved and accepted. This people pleasing attitude flowed over into my friendships.

This type of thinking can negatively influence major life decisions, such as who you marry, what job you choose, and even how you learn to treat others and yourself. Major problems arise when obsessively concerning yourself with other people’s thoughts and opinions. Whether another person’s opinion is real or perceived, allowing others to influence your decisions will likely result in poor choices.

Let Go Of Other People’s Opinions, And Your Life Will Flourish

You may work extra hours to impress your boss, despite already feeling burnt out. In the nursing world I hear frequently, “I’ve been so unhappy at this job, but I don’t want to let my coworkers down by leaving.”

Maybe you give away money that you don’t have in order to maintain your identity as a kind and generous person.

You may choose to do things you don’t actually want to do, just for the sake of avoiding conflict and not wanting to “make” someone angry or disappointed in you.

The problem with trying to please most people is that no matter what you do or who you become for the sake of another being, you will never satisfy them. If a person is unhappy with your choices, it’s more a reflection of them, not you.

Stop Worrying What Others Think, And Trust Yourself

Learning to let go of worrying what other people think drastically improved my mental wellness. By releasing my hold on the invisible realm of other people’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings I’ve been able to focus and trust in my own thoughts and feelings. 

Instead of relying on others for validation, I’ve learned to validate myself. This change in mindset has given me freedom from the chains of people pleasing. The reward is more success and happiness in my own life. 

When other people try to control you with their opinions of what you should and shouldn’t do, this cycle of shaming, inevitably results in your failure. Because no matter what you choose in that moment, it’s for someone else, rather than yourself. 

Learning to be selfish was a very difficult process for me and did not come naturally. I had learned to find my identity in being generous and selfless. But my inner voice grew stronger, and has taught me that being selfish is actually being generous to myself, and I deserve generosity too. Loving myself does not negate my love for others, but the two may conflict at times and require me to make decisions that do not please others for the sake of pleasing myself.

Worrying What Others Think On Social Media

Social media is a breeding ground for anxiety, perpetuating this worrying over what others think of us. It directs our attention on fears of  judgment from others rather than enjoying life in the present moment. Additionally, we tend to judge and compare ourselves to other people. Research has shown a high correlation between time spent using social media and depression and anxiety. 

Conversely, less time spent on social media is correlated with increased happiness.

https://www.verywellmind.com/social-media-and-depression-5085354

Although you may be quite intuitive, our perceptions of what other people think are often wrong. When we have unhealthy thinking patterns, we often predict someone’s thoughts in a worst case scenario manner. Whether or not valid, our assumption of someone’s thoughts simply aren’t reality. To further complicate the matter…even our own thoughts are not reality. Thoughts and feelings change moment to moment and are not factual. However, we can control our own thoughts, which influences our behavior. But we can never control another person’s thoughts or behaviors.

In conclusion, our perceptions of other people’s thoughts are useless in making life choices.

At least one person in your life will always be around to disagree with your choices. But allowing fear of what others think to influence our actions, is like putting a puzzle together with pieces from two different boxes…It will never create the picture you’re seeking in your own life. The next time someone shares their opinion on what you should do, take a moment to assess. Have you ever noticed that people lending you free advice about your life, usually don’t have any experience in the area they’re advising? Or that despite their experience, their own life isn’t perfect?

Rather than changing myself to meet other people’s expectations, I’ve learned to replace the critical people around me with others who like and appreciate who I already am.

You’re responsible for the way you perceive yourself, not for the way others perceive you. Stop worrying what others think. Practice loving yourself and all the good stuff will inevitably follow.

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?” – RuPaul

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